Singer-Turned-Hooligan

So, in the news recently there have been a lot of stories focused on a certain singer-turned-hooligan. A young lad that goes by the name of Justin Bieber. Now, I don’t wanna give the kid anymore attention or fame because God knows he doesn’t deserve it and yet has enough as it is. I just want to take a moment to discuss some options we have here about what to do with the hoodlum.

First off, we can’t just send him back to Canada. Everyone might diss Canada with every opportunity they get, but Canada is a really lovely place with some very kind, polite people. Bieber apparently didn’t get that trait, however. So, we have to be the bigger people here and not torment Canada yet again with such a horrid human being. But we can’t keep him, either. So here’s the sitch:

We give him to North Korea. Yes, North Korea. The one that’s been having all the conflicts and whatnot. So, we hand over Bieber to them. At first, they’re confused. “Why do we want him?” They’ll say. Eventually, they won’t care anymore and he’ll just stay. But then he’ll start acting like a hooligan over there and everyone will get so sick and tired of him that they’ll ban together as one people. Together, they’ll forget every other conflict they were fighting against or for and stick together to get rid of Bieber from their country. Once they send him wherever, they’ll realize that working together and being one people is so much better than fighting and arguing all the time. Then, bam! Conflict with North Korea will be over. Solid plan, right?

So, enough with this court and trial and deposition thing with him. Just put him on his nice private jet and send him over the waters. Actually, no, don’t even give him his private jet. Send him off in a cargo jet like the characters had to do on iCarly. Soon enough we’ll have killed two birds with one stone. Sound good? Good. Let’s make it happen.

You can wink in North Korea, Bieber. Photo from Digital Spy.